Dvanáct dní a jedno odpoledne

Twelve days and one afternoon

Ludvík Barabáš

Soubor krátkých básní o cestě, která nastává po lásce

Collection of short poems about what comes after love

2021

Poděkování

Rád bych tímto poděkoval svým nejbližším přátelům, kteří tu pro mě vždycky byli a které to ještě nepřestalo bavit. Chtěl bych také poděkovat kamarádům z Heuge squad a fun group (Brou squad), díky nimž se můj svět zase o něco zvětšil.

I would like to thank my closest friends who’ve been always there for me and haven‘t got tired of it (yet). I would also love to say thank you to my good friends from the Heuge squad and to my fun Brou squad with whom my world grew bigger once more again.

Zvláštní dík ale patří jen dvěma osobám, jedné z nich je věnováno i několik prvních stránek. Strejdovi Petru Habrnálovi, který nečekaně zemřel 13. 9. 2021, a tetě Květě Habrnálové, kteří se rozhodli zafinancovat celou knihu. Mám vás moc rád.

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Strejda nebyl sám ani na samotném konci. A rád myslívám na to, že nebyl sám ani potom. Můj věrný a milovaný přítel, labrador Teska, na něj jistě počkal, ať už to bylo kdekoliv.

My uncle was never alone, even at the very end. And I like to think that he wasn’t alone even after. My loyal and beloved friend, Teska the dog of 14 years, surely waited for him, wherever he was.

He also told me:

„I know that you believe there will be many more people with whom you will connect with. But you will find out later in life that

it only happens a few times.

So don’t act like you

have people to spare.“

Život nesmí být nuda a nesmí to být vězení.

Life mustn‘t be boring and it mustn‘t be a prison.

Potom totiž nezáleží, jak krátký byl.

Because then it doesn’t matter, how short it was.

Jako čtenář můžete mít jednu zásadní otázku – je tohle nějaký zdlouhavý dopis z lásky?

As a reader, a principal question may pop up in your mind – Is this some kind of elaborate and long love letter?

Úvod

Dvanáct dní a jedno odpoledne je velice úzká knížka poezie, která byla sepsána v druhé polovině roku pandemie COVID-19, a to v době, kdy autor uzavřel jednu velkou kapitolu svého dosavadního života. Básně i krátké úryvky textu jsou oknem do bezesných nocí i promarněných dnů. Zároveň knížka ve svém stručném obsahu poskytuje odpověď na všechny otázky čtenáře, a pakliže ten zjistí, že stále pár otázek přebývá, nejspíše není tím, kdo by si na ně měl odpovědět.

Stejně jako v každém vážném zamilování, i začátek bývá stejný. Všichni máme podobnou ideu o tom, jak to všechno začíná – z romantických filmů, z indie komedií, od našich rodičů či blízkých příbuzných i z pohádek. A byť tedy vždy vstupujeme do vazby k jinému člověku ve stejném rozpoložení, mnohdy identickém, časem zjistíme, že druhý člověk mluví jazykem, jemuž tak úplně nerozumíme. Jako bychom se občas ocitli v místnosti s cizincem, který o něčem mluví, avšak my mu nedokážeme porozumět. Přesně proto je tato kniha bilingvální. Abychom skutečně mohli pochopit druhého, musíme učinit nezbytné kroky, obětovat čas a co nejvíce otevřít svou mysl. Mnohdy musíme touto snahou trávit dlouhé hodiny, jestliže to vůbec jsme ochotni udělat. Rychle se totiž unavíme a tento překladatelský boj vzdáme. Pakliže nám však na druhém skutečně záleží, rozluštíme i jeho pro nás nesrozumitelný jazyk.

Takový vztah nemusí být jen čistě romantický, může se jednat o vztah přátel či rodiny, avšak valná většina textu v této knížce je věnována právě prazvláštnímu poutu mezi lidmi, jež vzniká náhodně, ze stejného základu, mnohdy neúmyslně. O něco lepší pozici budou mít mluvčí českého jazyka, kteří navíc ovládají angličtinu. Ovšem s dnešní technikou a možnostmi, buďme upřímní, se stává porozumění nejen cizojazyčnému textu mnohem jednodušším. Krátké prozaické texty svým obsahem často posouvají chápání básní, takže čtěte pozorně, neboť ačkoli se zdá, že obsah této knihy je dílem náhody, vše skrývá nějaký účel a smysl skrytý mezi řádky.

Usedněte proto na chvíli a zkuste to. A mějte na paměti, že se pořád jedná jen o malou knížku poezie. Pravá výzva se nachází vždy až v porozumění druhému člověku.

Introduction

Twelve days and one afternoon is the name of a thin book of poetry, which was composed during the second half of the COVID-19 pandemic year and the time when the author finished one great chapter of his life. Poetry and short essays are intended as windows into the sleepless nights and procrastinated days. At the same time, the book answers all the questions a reader might have in its short content. And if you still have any questions after that, you are not the one who is supposed to answer them.

As in every serious love affair, the beginning is always the same. We all share a common idea of how it should begin – based on romantic movies, indie comedies, our family and relatives, or even fairytales. And thus even though we always bind ourselves to another human being with a similar mindset, we often find out at the same time, that the other person sometimes speaks in a completely different and alien language that we don’t truly understand. As if we were in a room with a stranger, a foreigner, who is talking to us, but we are unable to truly understand the meaning of it all. That is why this book is bilingual. To genuinely understand each another, we have to make the necessary step, sacrifice our time and open our minds. We often have to spend hours and hours trying to understand, if we are capable of doing so. Oftentimes, we just get tired, and eventually, we stop trying to win this game of constant translation. Nevertheless, if we truly care, we shall try to decipher this unfamiliar language.

Such a relationship does not have to be a romantic one. It can be a relationship among friends or even family. However, most of the texts in this book are dedicated to the idea of this strange connection between two people, which often begins randomly, within a common ground, and even more often unintentionally. A better position is reserved for those who understand Czech and a bit of English. Although, with the current state of technology and all the possibilities we have, let’s be honest, understanding comes much more easily, moreover if it’s all just about the text of a book. The essays lead us to some underlying meanings of the book‘s poetry. So read carefully, since everything in this book might seem random, but there is an underlining purpose of it all.

So please, sit down for a moment and try. And always have in mind that, after all, it’s just a tiny book of poetry. The true challenge is always found in understanding other human beings.

To remember it all

Grab a memory and go

over the hills,

over the fields,

where the cruel winds blow.

Carry it carefully,

beware of the winds,

for once you lose grip,

it’s hard to rescind.

They toy with your attention

and divert your eyes,

you won’t even notice

they took your price.

And when you arrive,

you can’t do much.

The Dead you can‘t revive,

they are gone, as such.

To feel the great ardour

is kind of strange.

The winds blow harder,

the feelings change.

So hold onto your memories tight,

don’t wait for a quip,

do what’s in your might

so that they won’t slip

Odloučení v pátek

Těžké je vždy odloučení,

neboť nevidíme do budoucna.

Cítíme se oloupení

o všechny možné konce jsoucna.

Držíme je pevně,

šeptáme jim do ucha.

Líbáme je něžně,

tíží nás zlá předtucha.

Klid a tma nás zahalí,

jen pouliční světla svítí,

těla se nám rozpálí,

lék na běh času tak jen míti.

Hodiny tikají neúprosně,

oči se zavírají spánkem,

poslední noc prospíme,

probuzeni jen nočním vánkem.

Když rolety zasáhnou paprsky,

rychle zase vstáváme.

Neboť cesta je teď před námi,

do zrcadla již máváme.

Jak jen popsat všechny ty zmatené pocity

honící se hlavou, když iluze jsou pobity?

Přijde brzy ona chvíle,

kdy musíme dát sbohem,

ale ještě chvíli stůjme,

než ztratím tě za rohem.

Stůjme chvíli v pokoji,

kde čas tak rychle ubíhá.

Právě teď jsme v souboji,

v němž cit iluzi stíhá.

Vždyť k dobru máme ještě chvíli,

tak nespěchejme víc, než je třeba.

Odloučeni budeme hned mílí,

dělejme tedy, že je ještě středa.

Intermezzo I.

I think that the hardest moment one might face is that, at some point in your life, you will have to let go. It’s not an easy decision and it has quite harsh consequences. Many of these you experience and explore after you finally come to the realization that you had let go. It’s a cruel and senseless self-torture, just to be honest. I am trying to name a very specific feeling which every one of us has felt. It does not matter, whether you are twelve or twenty-two. You are experienced in this already. Some would call the initial stage Monachopsis, a feeling of being out of place. It is the time when reality hits you hard and you feel completely alienated from the world around you. For someone, it might be just a fleeting moment that won’t take much of the busy days we all have and live. Others will feel dragged down by this, for it is really hard to accept this new reality without that favourite person or your pet dog who was your good childhood friend or a loving parent. Letting go has this solitary initial phase. Since we are talking about strange words and feelings, another might be Kenopsia, which describes a feeling of being in a place, now abandoned and quiet, which is otherwise a bustling place with people. You got so used to being with someone, sharing the same room or even the same flat and suddenly, something has happened and now you are bound to walk around that place alone. It could be this strange feeling of belonging somewhere, maybe even having your signature on everything in a room or a house, yet you still feel like it is a house of someone else.

The first phase can hit hard if you are not careful. The heart gets heavy and things that you were used to do now seem meaningless. I think that one of the most severe consequences of this fully conscious moment of oneself is in lack of those people that usually share our moments with us. Sharing can be defined in various terms. I would probably go for a simple variation of sharing joy. That is something we are predestined to, something that we feel natural doing. I believe that humans are by nature social beings, we cannot fully function if we are alone. Even the hermits or isolated people find something that they want to share with. Robinson Crusoe had his tribal friend. Religious hermits share their idea of godly being. Everybody finds someone or something to share with. It does not matter who or what it is. The most important fact is that we need to share. Whether it’s happiness, joy, sadness, depression, nervousness before an event or an important job interview, we want others to be involved. Of course, not everyone has been given this privilege of being part of your world. Socially active individuals like to share their entire world with as many people as possible, ideally through social media. Others need just that one person whom they can tell all the meaningless and meaningful things that happen to them.

And this first phase we have already talked about is the inability, impossibility of sharing with someone that matters to you. It’s really hard to let go at this moment, even though we don’t have to let go forever. Suddenly, we cannot share joy with everyone we want. And all of a sudden we start to feel alone. Something that we did not have to deal with. Loneliness is the greatest danger for it is not only destructive in a sense of what we have talked about. But it’s also addictive. As time flies, you become addicted to being alone. Like an old person who no longer wishes for a company that he would surround himself with when he was younger.

This truly false feeling of being responsible only for yourself and doing what you like to do whenever you like to. This style of life is the drug far worse than anything. In this first phase, we are meeting this loneliness after a long time, we have already forgotten about it. But now, it is in front of us and it’s staring at us. We are scared, and rightly so. For, at first, what can compare to the warm touch of another? To a broad smile full of teeth as white as pearls and eyes in which you can get lost in. What can replace the smell of hair that feels like a cottage in the mountains after the sunrise when the bright new day calls for another life adventure? How would you replace the absolute happiness and open warmth of your dog going nuts while you put on your shoes? These are the memories and feelings that we keep in our heart and we hope that they will get us through the day, so that we can come home and wish for a good, long-enough sleep at night, for it is in the dreams where our memories come to life and we can once again feel not-so-lonely. Enjoy this, for loneliness and its addictive nature takes away many things.

„And I knew from the beginning that I found you to lose you. And I loved you to miss you. Because we met by coincidence.“

- Ghada Al Samman

The most severe consequence of all is the absence of the cold and heat dynamic. I believe that when you love someone, you may do two things. The first type gives every piece of himself away. He forsakes his barricades of embarrassment and secrecy and inner most thoughts. He empties himself, so he can be filled. He gets cold. But all the things he gives, he does so to a person of adequate riposté. The other burns all the brighter. His heart soars like the sun and warms and boils the blood inside. He becomes this nuclear reactor that keeps warm the one he loves the most even on the coldest of nights. The more love is given, the warmer he becomes.

Vážení čtenáři, právě jste dočetli ukázku z knihy Dvanáct dní a jedno odpoledne / Twelve days and one afternoon.
Pokud se Vám líbila, celou knihu si můžete zakoupit v našem e-shopu.